dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
