haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize