Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
