Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Someone came in the potted fern
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
