dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
