Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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