he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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