I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
