Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
