Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
