There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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