1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
