Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
