All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
