I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
