what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
