guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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