well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
