I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
