the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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