If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
