if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
