Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
