You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
