i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
