I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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