I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
