Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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