I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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