I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
