I wish I could teleport
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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