I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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