He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
