I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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