It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you traded sex for a burrito?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
