Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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