so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
