you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
