i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
