i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was confusing and full of hummus
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
