Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
