I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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