i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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