The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
