what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
