im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
