I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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