Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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