When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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