i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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