my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
