the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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