"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
