considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can I color on your dick again?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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