No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
