It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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