you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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