I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize