She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
