Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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