I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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