since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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