Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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