the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ladies don't puke and tell
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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