I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
