I can text with my tongue
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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