Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
