You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
