His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
