new low.... made out with someone while peeing
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
