No more Irish car bombs ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
