Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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